March 3. History loves black and white, especially where women are concerned. Madonna or whore. BFF's or arch-enemies. But we all know the reality is more complicated. People are both good and bad, grasping and generous, self-serving and selfless.
As we seem to be ever more in conflict with each other - even at war with each other - it is useful to try to see the multiple sides of others, and of ourselves. Mutual understanding. That way lies peace. We hope.
And when the doom seems darkest...heck, everyone loves a good love story.
Catherine de Medici, she of the Italian mega-dynasty, was the wife of King Henri II of France in the 1500’s. Though it was an arranged marriage, legend has it she adored him. Fun fact: she was the first woman to wear a high heel (she was itty bitty).
Diane de Poitiers was Henri’s Royal Mistress. Legend has it he was smitten with her from his boyhood until the day he died (in a joust, lance through the eye, ouch). It was fact that she was 20 years older than him.
For many years, Catherine and Diane lived under the same roof (a large one, since it was a chateau). Catherine was ferociously jealous of Diane. She spread rumors the paramour was a witch who maintained her youthful skin by drinking the blood of babies (it was actually because she bathed everyday - crazy, right?). She cut a hole in her floor so she could watch the couple make love in the bedroom below. She probably tried to poison her.
Legend has it Diane was a manipulative, power/money-hungry b*tch. She got to stand next to Henri at his coronation. She enticed him to deplete the state treasury to build her the fairy-tale castle Chenonceau. But if she was such a heartless gold-digger, why was she only one who would risk death for Catherine?
From my musical, The Mistress Cycle, I offer this duet. Beautiful music and vocal by Jenny Giering.
HALF A BOWL
(Diane sits at Catherine's bedside. The Queen is very ill with scarlet fever.)
DIANE
Catherine. You must eat this. All of it. Catherine.
HALF A BOWL
OF THIS NICE WARM SOUP.
YOU MUST KEEP YOUR STRENGTH UP.
I KNOW THAT YOU’D RATHER HAVE SOME OTHER NURSE
BUT NONE WILL COME NEAR, NOW THE FEVER’S GONE WORSE.
SO PLEASE,
FOR YOUR CHILDREN -
HALF A BOWL
OF THE COOK’S BEST SOUP.
COME NOW, DON’T BE SILLY
IF YOU WISH TO SPITE ME, THERE ARE BETTER WAYS
FOR INSTANCE, BY LIVING OUT ALL OF YOUR DAYS
NOW PLEASE
FOR YOUR COUNTRY –
EAT.
CATHERINE
WHAT DOES HE SEE IN HER?
SO SHE RIDES.
I RIDE.
WELL ENOUGH.
AS WELL AS MOST.
SO SHE BATHES
I BATHE
WELL – ENOUGH
AS MUCH AS MOST.
WHAT DOES HE SEE IN HER?
SO SHE’S PALE
I’M PALE
RATHER TOO,
SOME WOULD SAY.
SO SHE’S SHAPELY
I’M NOT
BUT I’M A MEDICI
AND I’M HIS WIFE
FROM HER
NOT ONE SIP.
DIANE
HALF A BOWL
OF THIS STILL WARM SOUP
I WILL NOT GIVE UP HERE.
THE FEVER IS EATING THE FLESH OFF YOUR BONES
YOU DON’T WANT YOUR EYES TO BUG OUT LIKE A CRONE’S
NOW ENOUGH.
FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
CATHERINE
SHE HAS ENCHANTED HIM
SHE’S A WITCH
I’VE SEEN
HOW HE LOOKS
IN HER EYES
SHE’S A WHORE
SHE SITS
IN HIS LAP
SITS THERE AND RIDES
YOU HAVE ENCHANTED HIM
I HAVE WATCHED
YOU TWO
THERE’S A HOLE
IN MY FLOOR
YES I’VE WATCHED YOU
DO THINGS
NOT EVEN A MEDICI
NOT EVEN A WIFE
WOULD DO.
NOT ONE SIP.
(CATHERINE pushes the bowl away, has an enormous coughing fit, spits up blood. DIANE grabs a cloth, wipes Catherine's face.)
CATHERINE
No – you mustn’t – the Doctors say if you touch the blood –
DIANE
The Doctors. You are Queen and you must be attended to. This soup is cold. That won't do.
(SHE goes back to fetch more soup.)
CATHERINE
I NEVER KNEW SHE LOVED HIM SO MUCH
TO DO THIS
TO COME NEAR A SICKNESS THAT COULD KILL HER
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
IT STILL BURNS SO STRONG
THE LOVE.
(DIANE is by the kettle.)
DIANE
I NEVER KNEW SHE HATED ME SO MUCH
TO DO THIS
TO REFUSE THE FOOD THAT COULD SAVE HER
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
IT STILL BURNS SO STRONG
THE HATE
BOTH
I NEVER KNEW.
CATHERINE
SHE LOOKS SO TIRED
DIANE
SHE LOOKS SO FRAIL
CATHERINE
SHE HASN’T SLEPT IN DAYS
DIANE
SHE HASN’T ONCE COMPLAINED
CATHERINE
ANY OTHER WOMAN WOULD HAVE POISONED MY SOUP
DIANE
ANY OTHER WOMAN WOULD HAVE MADE MY LIFE HELL
BOTH
I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE THANKFUL FOR YOU
(DIANE returns to Catherine with warm soup.)
DIANE
JUST A SIP
OF THIS NICE WARM SOUP
PLEASE, YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS
FOR YOUR CHILDREN
FOR YOUR COUNTRY
FOR YOUR HUSBAND
FOR ME.
(DIANE extends a spoon of soup. CATHERINE drinks it.)